mindless woman, mindless ramblings

Well, after all the pregnancy tests that I’ve taken…and all the waiting that I’ve done….and all of the obsessing…and after all of the wonderful support from my buddies at SMO and from my family and friends, I wish that didn’t have to say…..

………that  unfortunately………….   

                                                                                               
I won’t be posting on the Two Week Wait board at SMO for much longer because today’s beta came back at 24!!!

Karen (the head nurse) said that the number was GREAT for being so early and said that that number is the LEAST the doctor would want to see for someone coming in on 14 dpo for their beta! I checked on IVFer and the beta chart for 5dpt goes to 7dpt at the lowest. According to that, average for 7dp5dt is 48, so counting backwards, my beta is average for 5dp5dt! :hop: Now to just wait it out to the official beta on Wednesday on 10dp5dt!

I couldn’t help it and just had to tell Stephanie and Terry. They were in the store shopping for a few last minute things before their reception tonight (they’re in New York for their belated wedding reception and family reunion). Stephanie was going on about how she had just sent me an email about the string test that her aunt had just done over her wrist. The myth is that you tie your wedding ring to an end of a string then hold it over your wrist. The direction that the ring swings supposedly tells you if you’re having a boy or a girl. Steph’s went both ways. She took it as a sign and got all giddy, then had the feeling like I might need to take a test this afternoon because she thought it might turn out positive (little did she know, :haha:).

So when she said, “I just have the feeling that you’re pregnant!” I said, “I am pregnant.”

Stephanie: WHAT!?! 

Me: Well, I’ve been peeing for a couple of days and getting ghost lines that have now turned darker. I got a couple of positive digitals this morning and those both came up PREGNANT.

Steph: (to her mom, her daughter, and Terry) SHE’S PREGNANT!!! (now squealing and OH MY GOD’ing)
Terry: She’s WHAT!?!  *then mumbles something incomprehensible in the background*

Steph: (excitedly and talking a million miles per hour) Terry says we still need to wait to go to the doctor for the blood test!

Me: I’ve been to the doctor. I went this morning to Dr. Edwards’ office and had an early beta. It’s positive. It’s 24, which is a good bit higher than what the doctor was expecting right about now.

Steph: *repeats the same to the group in a flurry of words*

Terry: OH MY GOD!

From there, we talked for a while about beta levels, etc. This is their first IVF ever and first time learning about everything, so they get most of their knowledge from me. This whole journey, I’ve basically explained the next steps and what they can expect, so I again went through the whole “doubling beta” lesson again and said that 24 is a really safe number for right now. They’re excited, and I know that for all of us it will start to sink in more next week when we have our official betas!

To my SMO girls … thanks for helping me keep my sanity the past few days! I know that half of you probably want to wring my neck for playing the nasty little prank of making you wait so long, then have to come to my journal to find out the results! Would I be the Queen of the PISSERS without making you guys work for it?

To my special buddies Becky, Sarah, Sharona, Catherine, and Stephanie R. (who I spent an entire day of bed rest chatting with on Yahoo messenger) – were it not for you guys, I would have had a nervous meltdown if it wasn’t for your words of support and ultimate faith that this was going to work out.

And to my family, especially my Aunt Karon (who had to pull over on the highway when I called her with the good news), who all delivered God’s message that this was all going to work out! That Sunday at the family reunion is what has, and will continue to give me strength in these early days where we’ll continue to get strengthening confirmation of this pregnancy.

Okay, this is not the Academy Awards. I’ll stop my acceptance speech. But I just have to say that the embryos must like me!!! They REALLY, REALLY like me!!! (shameless lame attempt at mimicking Sally Field’s Academy Award acceptance speech).

When I was trying to get pregnant with our first child, I handled the two week wait much differently. I held out for as long as I could without testing, not knowing at the time that one could test positive before her period was due. It had honestly never entered my mind to test early. Then one night a few days shy of the end of our second Clomid cycle, I had a dream that made me want to rush right out and get a pregnancy test.  

I dreamed that I had taken a new-fangled pregnancy that would not only tell you whether or not you were pregnant, but it would also tell you whether you were having a boy or a girl. A blue wavy line represented a boy, and a pink wavy line would mean a girl. In the dream, I peed on the test and got both a blue line and a pink line, indicating that we were pregnant with boy/girl twins. I woke up with my heart pounding. It was so real, that I woke up feeling a little dejected once I realized that it was just a dream. However, I did feel like it must have been some sort of sign, because I had never before dreamed of getting a positive pregnancy test.  

I managed to hold out one more day before going to the store to look at pregnancy tests. I had no intention of testing that day, but I figured that at least having my tests in the house would temper just a bit of the anticipation. So after school, my sister Dani (who at the time was in the 7^th grade) and I headed to Wal-Mart. I moseyed over to the aisle where the pregnancy tests were, and lo and behold – there was a new test that could detect pregnancy a full four days before your period was due! I snatched up one box of First Response Early Detection tests (FREDs), with my plans to wait on testing chucked clearly out of the window. I was actually five days away from the end of my cycle, but figured that one little day probably wouldn’t make too much of a difference. It was Halloween, and the only things that we came out with were a ton of candy and that one box of pregnancy tests.  

Upon entering the house, I dropped the bags on the kitchen table and raced to the bathroom with my box of FREDs. I had taken a hundred pregnancy tests before and had even taken a few of the regular First Response pregnancy tests, but I read through every word of the instructions before testing. I sat down on the toilet and used a little cup to catch some of the pee. I carefully dipped the test for exactly 5 seconds, then recapped it (with the stick pointing down, of course), then placed it on the edge of the tub to my right to wait out the three minutes it would take to read the results.  

After exactly one minute passed, I casually glanced over at the test just to be sure that it was working, just as the instructions said to do. I wasn’t expecting to see anything just yet, so my heart dropped when I saw that there were already two dark lines on my pregnancy test. Two lines. Two lines? TWO LINES!?! I had never before, in the zillions of tests that I had taken, gotten two lines. I think I must have sat there for a full minute absolutely shell-shocked, then suddenly snapped out of my stupor to frantically grab the instruction leaflet to be sure that on these new tests, two lines didn’t all of the sudden mean negative. When I confirmed that yes, two lines still meant pregnancy, I cried.  

My heart continued to pound, but at some point I was able to hear Frank walk in the door over the deafening sound of my racing heartbeat. I took off down the hall (with my pants still down around my ankles) to get Frank. I remembered to pull up my britches just before entering our bedroom (wouldn’t that have been his lucky day, to come home to find his wife greeting him with her pants off). I simply took him by the hand, and without saying a word, I lead him to the bathroom. I put the test in his hand and said nothing. At first he had a blank expression on his face. Then I could see a cautious twinkle in his eyes as he asked, “What’s this mean?” Now, he’d seen tons of my negative tests, so I knew that he was just asking out of disbelief and needed me to confirm his hope that this time I might really be pregnant, much in the same way that I needed to reread the leaflet. “You mean…it worked?” As I nodded my head, his eyes began to water and he grabbed me into a huge hug.  

About a week later, we found out that we were pregnant with twins. At 20 weeks of pregnancy, we found out that we were, indeed, pregnant with a girl and a boy. Talk about your wildest dreams coming true.  

Now, I’m just a few hours shy of being 4dp5dt (4 days past a transfer of 5 day old embryos, for you non-surrogacy/IVF people), and I’m finally far enough past transfer where I could possibly see a positive pregnancy test. It’s still very early and I might have a few days more to wait before seeing anything, but I’m definitely now in that window.

Last night I had the second positive pregnancy test dream that I’ve ever had. This dream was quite simple, really. It was late at night, and just before bed I went into the bathroom to do my final-pee-of-the-night round of pregnancy testing. One test was a new design, and the result window measured about 3 x 3 inches. I also used a Dollar Tree test. I used a dropper to put a few drops of pee into the testing wells, then left the tests on the bathroom counter to process for three minutes. When I came back, there were faint, but VERY obvious pink lines on both of the tests. I brought them into the bedroom for Frank to review, and after glancing at them for one second, Frank said, “Now THAT’S positive!” And that was it. I could feel myself grinning and thinking of how I was going to tell Stephanie and Terry that it worked, but you know what happened next – I woke up. Dangit. Just a dream, but I’m taking it as sign of good things to come.  

Frank and I woke up promptly at 6:00 to be sure we left home by 7:00. I had to be there at 8 am with a full bladder. I had been given instructions to not pee when I got up. In my half-awake state, it wasn’t until I was halfway to the toilet before I remembered my instructions. Even if I would have forgotten, Frank had followed me into the bathroom to give a friendly reminder – he barged past me, went to the toilet, started peeing, then looked over his shoulder and said, “You can’t pee.” I don’t think I was imagining things when I saw him smirk a little bit. Given the persistent twinge in my bladder, I was tempted to chuck my hairbrush at the back of his head.  

I dressed in the matching shirts that I designed (with the help of fellow surrogate, Kimmy) for Stephanie and me to wear to the transfer. Here is the design for the back. Stephanie’s is the same, except it says “Proud Expectant Mommy.”  

Before leaving, I burned a CD with repeats of “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed and “Happy Feelings” by Frankie Beverly and Maze. “With Arms Wide Open” is a song that reminds me of my own pregnancies and “Happy Feelings” is the song that was playing at the moment my mom found out that she was pregnant with me. I hadn’t thought of that particular song in a long while. Friday morning after finding out that we were going to do a 5-day transfer, that song just suddenly popped into my head. All of the sudden I felt a sort-of peace wash over me, and I took that as God telling me to just quit my worrying and let Him do His job.  

We managed to leave the house on time, and I played my CD all the way to
Savannah, no doubt driving Frank half insane. I considered it payback for him flaunting his empty bladder. I made sure to drink the 32 ounce bottle of GREEN lime/kiwi-strawberry Gatorade before 7:30, that way it was sure to be in my bladder by the time we arrived at the clinic.  

Steph and Terry arrived shortly after Frank and I did, and by then, I had visions of toilets dancing in my head. Stephanie and Terry were obviously very nervous, but relieved that we had finally made it to this day that we have looked forward to for so long. Stephanie described her emotions as feeling like she was coming to get her babies from the hospital after having to leave them there after an early delivery. As usual, Terry was quiet, but I could see the subtle look of anticipation.  

After squirming around in my seat for about 40 minutes (pure torture), I was finally called back. I gave a quick round of hugs, then followed Carolyn out of the main office and down the hall to the OR and recovery rooms.  

And here is where the transfer story begins to get funny, and very different than the last one. With the last transfer, Frank, Paul, and Sarah were allowed back. The lights were dim, there was soft music playing in the background…and I only had to take off my bottoms and cover with a sheet. Carolyn escorted me to the recovery room and instructed me to go into the bathroom and take off everything except my bra and to store my clothes and shoes in the little cubbies that were in there. I had to put on the standard sexy, butt out hospital gown, rubber-footed socks, and blue cap.  

Next, she took me into the OR. Now, I know that there was tons of medical equipment in the room, but I honestly can’t remember too much of all the little details. Only a few things stood out to me – the ultrasound machine, the largest suspended medical spotlight that I think I’ve ever seen, and the door in the corner that was obviously the way into the embryology lab, since I could hear Dr. Blohm and the embryologist tinkering around in there. But what my eyes instantly zeroed in on was the huge, wedge-shaped pillow that was positioned at the end of the bed.  

My initial thought was “What the heck kind-of freaky set-up is this!?!” My second thought was, “That thing looks like one of those sexual enhancement pillows.” The taller side of the wedge was HIGH…it had to have been at least 18 inches.  

Carolyn lowered the bed, put a step stool at the end, then asked me to sit on the edge of the pillow and slowly lean back. It was so tall that I still had to stand on my tiptoes to get my butt up high enough. As soon as I lay back, my unfortunately large size 42DD boobs rolled back, hit me in the chin, and practically suffocated me. Once I got into position, I was able to dig my heels into the bar at the end of the bed for support. Next, Carolyn raised the bed so that you-know-what would be eye-level with Dr. Blohm.  

Then, the lights were dimmed and all of the sudden I found my “chooty-choo” (as Stephanie would say) front and center under the 1,000 mega-watt spotlight. I could literally feel the heat from that lamp.  

First Blohm wanted to check my lining and how much fluid I had in my bladder. Carolyn rolled back the sheet then pulled up the gown until it was just above my navel. I basically had just a thin strip of cloth running from hip to hip. Carolyn pressed hard with the ultrasound thingy and I thought my bladder would explode. Thankfully, my fluid was at an acceptable level and I didn’t have to empty any or add more (thank God). Then he used several ginormous swabs to “clean the fluid away from the cervix and disinfect it.” All I could think was “Please, God, don’t let me pee on him.” Good times, man. Good times. 

Dr. Blohm disappeared through the door to get Steph and Terry’s babies. When he came out, I asked him what he was transferring. He let me know that he had two beautiful blastocysts, and I nearly cried. Carolyn told me to hold very still while Dr. Blohm guided the catheter into my uterus. I closed my eyes and prayed while trying to visualize the two blasts snuggling in for the long haul. After what felt like a couple of minutes he finished, then went to be sure that both blasts had made it out of the catheter, which they had.  

Finally, Carolyn covered me back up and my girlie parts were no longer on display and lowered the bed. I was hoping that I’d be able to leave the kama sutra pillow behind, but no such luck; I was wheeled into a corner of the recovery room and sheltered behind a curtain. Carolyn asked if my bladder would give me at least 20 minutes positioned like that. As much as I needed to pee, I felt sure that I could make it at least that long, and told her so from behind my shield of boobs. Before leaving, she gave me a little remote control call button. 

I tried to take advantage of the quiet abd take a nap, but the screaming in my bladder was becoming quite loud. Through the next 20 minutes, I could hear Carolyn and Dr. Blohm coming in and out while doing someone else’s transfer. Once the next patient was wheeled into the recovery area next to me, Carolyn poked her head in and asked if I was okay or if I needed to go to the bathroom. I told her that I’d be able to get through the next 30 minutes of bed rest if I went to the bathroom. I don’t know how I managed to get my rear end down from the pillow without peeing all over myself, but I did. I shuffled over to the bathroom and quickly sat down on the toilet – pure bliss, I tell you. It easily had to be the most satisfying pee of my life.  

Thankfully, upon returning to my bed I found that Carolyn had turned the 50-ways-to-satisfy-your-lover pillow so that the tall side was facing the top of the bed. She said that I could now lay flat and just drape my legs over the pillow so that they were elevated. That was much more comfortable, and without the pressing need to pee and the weight of my boobs on my chin, I was able to snooze away the last 30 minutes.  

After the 30 minutes was over, Carolyn returned with my lab slips and post-transfer instructions. Immediately after leaving, I had to go downstairs to the lab to get my estrogen and progesterone levels checked. I also got a lab slip for a beta 10 days from today. I’m to spend the rest of the day on bed rest at home, only getting up to use the bathroom. Finally, I was allowed to get dressed and leave the recovery room.  I found Stephanie, Terry, and Frank waiting for me in the hall. We all exchanged hugs again; the relief on all of our faces was apparent.  

On the way to the lab, I chatted about the above experience. Stephanie let me know that amazingly, there were still 5 blasts growing. Even the one that had slowed down was still alive. Blohm was going to let them grow for a bit longer and then freeze the ones that still had potential. He guaranteed that Stephanie and Terry would have a least two snowbabies, which was a great releif to us all. Stephane then showed me the picture of the blasts that were transferred. They looked wonderful, and I don’t think that we could have asked for better:
 Stephanie said that when Carolyn came out to let them know that the transfer was complete, Terry became overwhelmed when he saw the picture of the blasts. He had to leave Frank and Stephanie for a moment to compose himself. I know that he’s very nervous and very thankful that we’ve actually made it this long way, and I hope and pray that this all turns out the way we’re hoping that it does. 

Once my blood was drawn, we asked the phlebotomist to take some pictures for us:

  Finally, we exchanged hugs again and parted ways to wait out the next ten days, but not before Stephanie leaned over and told her babies to “be good and stick like they were supposed to.”On the way home, I called Sarah, Catherine, and Becky to give them the updates that I know they were anxiously awaiting. I also chowed down on McDonald’s french fries. I finally made it home and settled in for my bed rest, and Kaelyn decided to join me:

Stay tuned through the next ten days…the peefest is about to begin!

Yesterday morning, Dr. Blohm made a decision about the transfer – he decided to let Stephanie and Terry make the final call on whether to do a 3-day transfer that morning or push for a 5-day transfer. He said that of the 7 embryos, 6 were a perfect 8-cells and the 7th had started to slow down in growth, but was still alive. The 6 that were thriving looked so good that he couldn’t differentiate two that looked any better than the rest. Dr. Blohm said that if he was going to transfer to Stephanie, his instincts were telling him to transfer three that morning, but for me, he didn’t want to make things “that exciting.”

The advantage of pushing for a 5-day transfer is that two or more of the embryos could pronounce themselves to be the best; the disadvantage is that by pushing to day 5, we risked losing all of them and not having anything to transfer. It was definitely a difficult decision. My gut instinct was to transfer on day 3; Stephanie and Terry felt in their hearts to push to day 5, and I trusted in their conviction that that was the right decision to make. I have said some mighty prayers that those embryos will continue to grow strong and that we will have at least two to transfer. Yesterday morning was stressful for all of us, not knowing whether we were going to transfer or not, but once the decision had been made, I think that we were all able to relax a bit and just look forward to a Sunday morning transfer. I was given instructions to not pee in the morning and drink 36 oz of fluid before arriving at 8 am.

Thankfully, I had a lot going on Friday and today to help keep me distracted. Yesterday evening we went to
Waycross to see my middle sister, Chanel, graduate college with an Associate’s degree in Applied Technology with specialization in microcomputers. Afterwards, we went out to dinner and just had a great time hanging out and laughing.
(I’m the pretty one. Okay, okay…I’m the pretty SHORT one):

This afternoon, Frank and I went to a wedding. Former students/family friends of mine were finally married after a long engagement. I was the assistant band director/dance & flag coach and Frank was the brass director at our high school alma mater. We quit after
Jordan was born to have more time to devote to our growing family. Kristen and Ronald graduated in ‘99, but Frank and I had the pleasure of working with them during their junior and senior years. Kristen’s mother, Harriet, served as the auxiliary served as the “team mom” and handled much of the administrative business and was also a teacher, and Kristen’s dad was/is also a teacher and one of the football coaches. Needless to say, we had a lot of interaction with the Paulk family both at and away from school. Ronald (the groom) was the brass captain, so Frank got to work a lot one-on-one with him. Ronald and Kristen started dating in high school, and were “promised” to each other shortly after graduating. Kristen’s older brother, David Jr. married one of Kristen’s older friends who at one time, was also on the dance team. After high school, both Holly and Kristen cam back to help me with choreography and with running camps, etc. Frank was one of David’s groomsmen and I was one of Holly’s bridesmaids at their wedding nearly three years ago. It gave us great joy to see these former students, now friends, finally married.

(The nutball cheesing in the background is David, Jr.)

Well, in T-minus 10 hours, 34 minutes, and 51 seconds I’ll be getting knocked up. After five months of waiting, our time has finally come.

Well, I spent nearly all day babysitting the phone and jumping every time it rang, hoping that the clinic would be on the other line to give us the fert report and let us know when the transfer would be. I had to go to the office this morning to drop off the transfer consent forms that I forgot to give them on Tuesday, and Stephanie called to ask about her post-retrieval symptoms. Both of us were given strong indications that they were planning on transferring tomorrow, because Carolyn and Jayne kept referring to seeing us tomorrow, etc. Before I left the office, Jayne said that they would definitely call by the end of the workday (4 p.m.) to confirm the transfer date and time.

When I got home, I promptly parked myself at the computer to wait impatiently for The Call. Around 2:00, I started getting antsy and started driving myself crazy. Proof of such lunacy can be found here; I had to find a way to keep myself occupied! 4:00 came and went with no phone call, and Stephanie hadn’t heard from the clinic either. She called and left a message on the voicemail.

Finally, a little after 5:00, Stephanie called after having talked with Dr. Blohm. Long story short – only 7 of the 25 eggs fertilized, which makes for a rather mediocre fertilization rate. Apparently, they must have counted an additional egg after giving us Tuesday’s count of 24. Dr. Blohm said that all 25 of the eggs were mature, which was a pleasant surprise that he wasn’t expecting. Terry’s sperm looked good, and he had no reason to think that he would need to use ICSI. He is at a complete loss as to why we didn’t get a higher fertilization rate.

Stephanie feels like she lost 18 of her babies. Terry feels as though it was his fault. And me? I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t more than just a little bit concerned. I remind myself that at first, I was expecting to get 7-10 good embryos and would have felt happy with that number, and that’s just what we have. I didn’t raise the bar on my expectations until after the retrieval.  

After getting off of the phone with Stephanie the first time this evening, I admit to having a little bit of a meltdown when Sarah and Sharona called me on three-way. I’m so grateful that they called, because they were able to calm me down and remind me that we’re still in a really good position because we do have seven embies still growing. (Thanks, guys!) No more stinkin’ thinkin’.

We still don’t know when we’ll be transferring. Dr. Blohm has us “floating.” He’ll call tomorrow at 9 a.m. to let me know whether Frank and I need to get on the road and head to Savannah or sit tight and wait until Sunday for a 5-day transfer. I can’t help but feel like it will be incredibly risky to push to a 5-day, and I think I’ll feel more relieved if we transfer tomorrow. I will be a complete mess through tomorrow and Saturday if he chooses to transfer on Sunday. I’m afraid that we might not have anything left to transfer, which would be a terrible let-down after having come all this way.

I’ve spent much of this evening worrying, and I do feel those doubts and fears that I’ve been able to keep at bay starting to creep in. Several people have encouraged me to keep Sunday’s experience in mind. I keep trying to analyze the pros and cons of doing a 3-day transfer vs. a 5-day transfer and whether or not it would be a mistake to push to day 5. The truth is that past a certain point, man really has no control over what happens with IVF. No amount of thinking, worrying, or obsessing that I do will make any difference in what God chooses to happen with this transfer. So as of now, I absolve myself of this burden. I just have to let go and let God, and trust that whatever happens was meant to be.  

Well, dammit. I spent an hour pecking out an entire post, and the stupid thing got lost when I clicked on “publish”. The only thing that managed to get saved was the title. It’s now 1 a.m. on Thursday morning, and the only thing out of that long, mindless ramble of a post that I’ll take the time to repeat is the fact that I could possibly be transferring as early as tomorrow! We’ll find out some time today how fertilization went, as well as when we’ll be transferring. Stephanie is doing well, but ran a low-grade fever this morning and has puffed up to the point where she looks a few months pregnant. She’s going to call the clinic tomorrow just to be on the safe side. *sigh*…I hate that my post somehow got lost. That’ll teach me not to copy the entire post before publishing, or better yet, to type and save in Word then copy into WordPress. Lesson learned!

Forgive the utterly cheesy title, but it was either that or “I’ll Take Two Dozen Eggs, Please” or something a la Sarah such as “Egg-cellent Retrieval!” There’s just no way around cheesy titles today!

As you can tell, we’re pretty proud of Stephanie’s ovaries! We got 24 eggs!!! I’ll wait to get Thursday’s fertilization report before going into complete-gloat mode because quality is always more important than quantity. But in any case, bragging about the quantity is certainly well-deserved, especially after all of Dr. Blohm’s concerns over Stephanie’s age. “Advanced maternal age” my left butt cheek. Steph set out to prove Blohm wrong, and thus far, she’s done just that!

Steph was supposed to be at the clinic at 8:30, but when I got there (right on time this time), only Angie (Steph’s mom) was there. Stephanie has a knack for stalling until the latest possible minute to do something that she’s worried about, so it didn’t surprise me to hear that she was running a tad bit late this morning.

Stephanie, Terry, and Lauren arrived a few minutes later. You can always tell how nervous Steph is based on how many jokes she cracks, and needless to say, she kept me laughing as we waited for her to be called back. Her hands were ice cold and she couldn’t sit still. After a while, Jayne called for Stephanie and Terry to sign the last few consent forms, then were escorted out of the office and down the all to the adjoining operating rooms, transfer rooms, and lab area. A few minutes later, Stephanie poked her head back into the waiting area long enough to crack a final joke: “They’re bringing Terry out to come play with my eggs,” referring to the thawed swimmers whose six-month prison term was finally over.

Soon, Terry came back to wait with us for the 1.5 hour pre-op, procedure, and recovery time. He said that the nurses kept trying to get him to go “do his part.” He had to keep reminding them that he had already provided the sample, and finally asked if they had even remembered to thaw some out.

It seemed like a long wait, and I was ready to jump out of my skin. After an hour, Jayne finally came out to take Terry to Stephanie and to let us know that she had done very well! A little while later, Terry called Angie on her cell to let her know that they were able to retrieve 20 eggs! I almost started crying and quickly reassured Angie and Terry that 20 was an egg-ceptional number (sorry, couldn’t help myself) when they asked me if that was good or not. A bit later, Jayne came out and told us that they had actually retrieved 24 eggs.

It took about an hour in post-op before Stephanie was discharged because she had an epidural anesthesia and it took a bit longer than expected before Stephanie regained enough feeling and movement in her legs for them to feel comfortable letting her go.

Before leaving, we paused for a quick picture. Somehow, we ended up wearing similar colors:  

Now, we have to wait until Thursday for the fertilization report and to find out whether we’ll do a 3-day transfer on Friday or a 5-day transfer on Sunday. That decision will mostly rest on how many of those 24 eggs are mature, and how many of the mature eggs fertilize normally. Stephanie totally blew even my expectations out of the water, so I’m going to guess that we’ll have 15-18 embryos to work with! Stephanie (and her ovaries) did WONDERFULLY, and I’m completely ova the rainbow! (Okay, I really need to stop with all the corny egg references now!)

I’m finally back home after a fabulous weekend at our family reunion. Saturday we had a blast at our afternoon cookout and “Puttin’ on the Ritz” themed dinner.

This morning, Stephanie called and told me that she got her instructions to trigger tonight promptly at 9 p.m. Once again, I don’t have exact follicle counts and sizes, but she has several mature follicles measuring 18-20 mm and several more that are in the 15-16 range that may mature by the time she has her retrieval on Tuesday morning. Tomorrow morning at 8:30, I have my lining check and blood work. Thursday or Sunday we’ll have our transfer.

In the weeks and days leading up to my transfer with Sarah, I was so positively sure that the transfer would work, and stated as much many times. Given the crushing failure of that transfer, I’ve been much more hesitant to state with any conviction that it will work. Of course I hope and pray that it will work, but on some levels I didn’t feel the same conviction that I did last time. With the last transfer, I stated that it would work to help encourage Sarah; this time, I think I’ve been trying to encourage myself and persuade my heart into believing that I’ll get pregnant. I guess it’s because this time, in the interest of self-preservation, I felt the need to be a bit more reserved with my hopes and faith in any signs that were given to me or those around me. But today, I was given the charge of confidence and faith that my heart really needed.

This morning, my family had a church/prayer service in the conference room of the hotel at which most of us were staying. After about the first hour or so, my Aunt Karon called for those who were in need of healing to come up for prayer. Several of the extended family members were up leading the prayer, circled around the person who needed the blessings. It was very uplifiting, and there were many tears of joy shed.

I was compelled to go up for prayer, as were my mother and sister for their own reasons. By then, my favorite uncle, Uncle Daniel had the microphone and was directing the prayers. Uncle Daniel was ordained as a minister ten years ago, and Frank and I were the first couple that he married. Daniel pulled me into the circle, and before he began the prayer, he informed the family of this surrogacy journey that I’m embarking on. He and his wife, my Auntie Annette, are the only extended family that I’ve told about the surrogacy. A month or so ago, I asked for them to keep me in prayer for a successful transfer. They were amazed at what I was doing, and so was the family as Daniel explained that this week, I’d finally be transferring. Then he called for the women to come foreward and lay hands on me in prayer, and I had one of the most powerful experiences of my life.

I was surrounded by women young and old – my mother, sisters, aunts, cousins, great-aunts, great-great aunts, and second cousins – both young and old. There were years of history and triumph over challenges all around me. Most of them had their hands on my stomach or hips. I know that I wasn’t imagining things when I felt a charge run through my body. Daniel prayed, and while I could still hear him, his voice was quickly drowned out by the prayers of the women around me. The prayer grew into a fervor, and I could feel myself begin to cry. Almost at once, several of the women began speaking in tongues, which is a phenomenon that I have witnessed a few times before, but never with such intensity. The prayer swelled to a pinnacle, then tapered off.

One of my Aunt Adrienne then took the microphone, and said that she had a vision that I will become pregnant, and this child will become a leader who will do great things in life. This child will make a difference in the lives of many, even if it’s just being a huge inspiration to those people who surround her in life. Next Aunt Karon said something that rocked me to the core. She said that she felt like she had a “waking dream” that I would become pregnant with a baby girl and that she would be named Mary Elizabeth. I started crying again, because when we first started out on this journey, Stephanie told me that she was hoping for a baby girl and wanted to name her after her late grandmother Margaret Elizabeth, who Stephanie spent caring for in her final year of life. As Karon spoke, in my head I was reeling because “Mary” is awfully close to “Margaret,” and of all of the names Karen could have possibly “seen,” she hit one that couldn’t have been much closer and got the middle name exactly.

Shaking and through tears (and a slight case of hyperventilation), I told the group about Stephanie’s hope for a baby girl, but with my mind spinning in awe of Karon’s prediction, I slipped and said that she hoped to name her baby girl “Mary Elizabeth” as Karon had predicted instead of “Margaret Elizabeth,” which was what I was thinking. But it didn’t matter – as soon as the words “Mary Elizabeth” escaped from my lips, everyone erupted into a frenzy of tears, prayer, and shouts of “Hallelujia!” and “Amen!” According to Frank, who was watching from afar, Karon fell to the floor in praise. There are no words that I can produce that can accurately describe the intensity and charge that was present. I don’t think that the disconnect between my brain and mouth made any difference. I think the similarity of names between Karon’s vision and Stephanie’s chosen name would have had the same impact; this single event seemed to hit the souls and the spirit of everyone in that room. My mother has always been supportive of my quest to be a surrogate but has never seemed internally “moved” by the magnitude of what I’m doing. But after I spoke, she clung to me in a tight hug and through her own tears, said that she just knew that this was going to work, as did several other people.

Frank said that the prayer over me took approximately 15 minutes, but from my perspective it went by like a blur. Thinking back on it, I can’t remember too many of specific details of what people shouted in prayer. I can’t remember what people did, because I had my eyes closed half the time and couldn’t see straight the other half for all of the crying that I was doing. But I can rememeber that feeling…the feeling of maternal hands blessing my body and of the power of my family’s prayer. But most of all, I was left with the feeling of conviction that I knew I was missing. This journey has to work, because God, through my family, said it would.

While in Griffin, Sarah sent me the picture of the double rainbow that she saw. I’ll look at this picture of God’s promise and have faith and conviction that there is another “Rainbow Baby” in the works that will enrich the lives of those around her:

I just heard from Stephanie! I didn’t get an exact follicle count and measurements from Stephanie, but Carolyn (Dr. Blohm’s wife and office manager/nurse) said that she would give Stephanie a copy of today’s counts tomorrow.

Dr. Blohm continues to be blown away by Stephanie’s progress. He even decided not to rib her about her age today because she’s stimming as well as, if not better than most of the younger women who are cycling with this group. Stephanie said that she has lots of 17’s and 18’s, and those that were measuring 8-11 at the last appointment are now in the 14-16 range. Dr. Blohm said that she now has more follicles on the left side, which goes to prove how much action is going on in her ovaries because at the last two appointments, she had more on the right side than the left.

Stephanie will take one final dose of stims tonight. Tomorrow morning she goes back for her last ultrasound and will trigger tomorrow night. Retrieval will be Tuesday morning. I now have the feeling that because Stephanie is producing so many follicles, we’ll probably get enough eggs to push for a 5-day transfer. Dr. Blohm did state today that he’s definitely only transferring two, because he expects that she’ll have a good fert rate with high-quality embryos.

Monday morning I’ll have my final lining check and blood work. So, it looks like transfer is going to fall on either Friday or Sunday!