Fragility November 29, 2006
Posted by Kymberli in Uncategorized.trackback
Today has been somewhat of an emotionally “odd” day. I can’t quite describe what I’m feeling. I guess you could say that I’m in awe, but that connotes some astounded magnificence, which is really too “happy” for the emotion stirring within me. Perhaps “pensive melancholy” comes close, but my current emotional state is blended with some emotion that’s brighter than pure melancholy, but still dimmer than joy or happiness. Obviously I’m at somewhat of a loss for words with trying to describe how I feel; I’ll just explain today’s events and perhaps, dear readers, you’ll understand my reason for having such an ineffable emotion right now.
This semester I was given the honor of supervising a student teacher. She’s been with me since the school year started with the three days of pre-planning in late July before the students arrived. On her first day with me, she told me that she was at the end of her two-week wait of her second cycle on Clomid. She and her husband had suffered a miscarriage about a year before that attempt, and since then, her cycles were off making it nearly impossible to achieve a pregnancy. Coincidentally, she was also a patient of Dr. Blohm’s. So there she was, at the end of her 2ww and me, newly pregnant thanks to the reproductive expertise of Dr. Blohm. She found out that weekend that she was, in fact, pregnant, and I was so excited for her. Imagine some of the hormonal hell my students have gone through with having not one, but two pregnant teachers in the same classroom!
She and I are three weeks apart in pregnancy. We spend a good part of everyday discussing our pregnancies and our excitement about the different natures of our pregnancies. She looks to my pregnancy for things she can hope to experience in the coming month. Last night, Sam/Tony was having a party inside and was quite active, and I can’t wait to tell her al about it. Today she was not at work because she and her husband had THE ultrasound to determine if they’re expecting a baby girl or boy. I’ve been waiting on pins and needles to hear from her, and above all, I’m praying that this ultrasound revealed a healthy baby.
Tomorrow is Ella’s first birthday! When I think of everything Sarah and Paul had to go through to bring this little (or not so little) bundle of chubby-cheeked happiness into the world, it just makes me marvel over how so many pieces can fall together to create something so great. I just love little Ella so much, as well as the family who surrounds her and who I consider a part of my family. Happy birthday to ALL of you on your one year anniversary of becoming a family of four plus one angel who is always in our hearts.
Earlier today, Becky emailed to let me know that her mother’s best friend Marsha, who is like an aunt to Becky, finally lost her battle against a rather aggressive form of cancer. She was only diagnosed in late August and the initial diagnosis was grim; she was not even given until the end of the year to live. About three weeks ago, the cancer which grew in her lungs was found to have invaded her stomach and intestines; the cancers grew so fast that she bloated to the size of a woman 8 or 9 months pregnant. Her level of care was downgraded to “comfort measures.”
Though Aunt Marsha died today, the way in which she passed was nothing short of a miracle in and of itself. She was pronounced dead while not in the company of her husband or of Becky’s mom. The details are unclear because Becky was giving second-handed updates from her mom, but sometime after she passed away (perhaps 10-15 minutes later), Marsha regained a pulse. Her “coming back” allowed her the opportunity to say goodbye to her husband and to Becky’s mother, who had both made it there after she was pronounced the first time.
The heartbreaking thing (even more than the death itself), is that her 12-year old daughter Shelbi was not able to make it there at all, so she missed her mother’s final moments. Please keep this family, especially the daughter, and the extended family and friends, in your prayers through this holiday season which should be a joyous time, in your prayers.
Finally, a dear friend of mine found out today that she has made the first official step on a long, arduous, and heart-consuming journey. Out of respect for privacy, please forgive me for not being able to go into great detail at this time, but I’m sure that as more time passes, I will be able to fully disclose the circumstances. Writing about it will be somewhat therapeutic for me. Please pray for this undisclosed situation. I’ll just suffice it to say for now, that life literally hangs in the balance in this situation.
Life hangs in a precarious balance…feeling firmly secure and comfortably stable, most of us go through life not paying much attention to the simple fact that at any moment, one of the things we depend on can change and completely alter the course of or lives. We don’t often think of “those things” which could so suddenly pervade our lives and make us focus on and consider the delicate fragility of life.
Things happen – good, bad, or somewhere in the indefinite middle – everyday. Sometimes they happen to us. Sometimes they happen around us. Sometimes they make us wish we could freeze time so that we can avoid those life-altering changes altogether, and sometimes they make us want to accelerate life so that those changes can make us get through the mysteries of the unknowns and “what-if’s” even faster. But we know that’s impossible. The world keeps on turning, and like it or not, things keep on happening.
Things happened around me today. Something joyous, something tragic, and something somewhere between which speaks of hope but has a heartrending, terrifying undercurrent lurking somewhere beneath. Life is fragile; let those close to you know how much you love them. The world keeps on turning.
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